Sunday, March 7, 2010

Living the Dream.

Retirement is a job all in itself. For starters, you gotta find tons of shit to do so you dont shoot yourself in the fucking face from boredom. So basically my new job is just trying not to be bored. Life has gone full circle for me. No job. No home. It's kind of a kick in the dick, but hey, it was my genius idea in the first place and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let some cocksucking naysayers get me down. I'm Logan "Fucking" Worrell. Son of Terry Worrell. Only thing that can get me down is snow and cancer. Actually fuck that. Just snow.

Like most days, I try to plan out what I'm gonna do. Usually its some unreal grandiose bullshit like go to the bank or clean my room. What I usually do, which I've stated on this blog before, is just eat tacos and fuck myself. It's getting pretty old, though. Not to say that I'm through with the study of Vibeology or anything. Creating a good vibe is so important after all, it's just that there's gotta be more to life than what KISS record to start my day with. Surely people do more with their time than wander from one friend's house to another looking for some action.

There are a few things I've thought of getting into, though.

Yoga:
well, I sure as fuck got the legs for it. The shorts too. However, usually i'm not the cleanest of individuals and the thought of subjecting so many dumb fucking yuppies to the smell of 7 days of ball and asshole sweat just sounds so cruel. Fuck em though. I've put many an ex girlfriend through the same thing and they didn't seem to mind all that bad. Actually the ex's did have it a little bit worse, they had to fuck me.

Continued Education;
Why the fuck not? I can read and all that. I love cruising for chicks at the mall, so why not expand my options with a little community college talent? It's not the worst idea. Plus it couldn't hurt all that bad to be able to use somewhat proper grammar.
A couple of classes I just looked up online:

How to suck your own dick in 6 weeks.
Shoe tying for dummies.
Home face tattoo removal.
Jacuzzi repair for seniors.
HVAC ( huge vagina ass class )
Japanese cooking for Chinese people.
Condoms; reduce, reuse, recycle. A retrospective.

Volunteering:
Where I come from, volunteering is just a nice way of saying 'doing a bunch of shit you dont wanna do for no fucking reason whatsoever.' And dont even start with that 'just cuz I care' bullshit with me. That dog won't hunt. Maybe I'll get a gig at a nursing home. Great drugs and tons of half dead fuckers to grift. Hello social security checks. fuck em all. My grandmother told me how much she hated old people and she was in a retirement home. Notice I didn't say community. She was in one of those once, but was forced to leave after she punched another old broad in the mouth and the dentures had to be removed from her esophagus at the hospital. If i remember correctly, a lawsuit was pending up until the time of Nana's death. RIP Nana. I didn't even mind when you called me Pat. Maybe even jump on the whole Haiti bandwagon. You know, help some kids. Hook up with some dark skinned ladies. Raise some awareness. Build a schoool or some shit. Teaching children to read has got to be some fulfilling shit. I like books. Letters to Penthouse. Good night Moon. Terry Worrell's version of Everybody poops, " People gotta shit."

On second thought, I think I'll just continue doing what I'm doing. Being an ill ass mother fucker from around the way.