Sunday, November 14, 2010

a little something something.

I've been fucking off for awhile. Figured it was high time to drop some knowledge on you pricks.

Spanish trashcan. Pretty cool.

When I was told a photograph was about to be taken, I instantly reverted to what I would have done, given the same situation if I was 15. Mission Accomplished.

Nked Dwdz

This is TeTe. He is part bullfighter, part Joe Strummer impersonator.I dont have a best friend, but i think it's TeTe.

If I was to wear this in Mexico to a punk show, I'd probably get the tan beaten off my ass, yet in this country its no problem to wear a sombrero to a Latino punk gig. Keep in the mind I was once referred to as an antisemite in said country. Germany. Wow.

The only good thing about European squats is that they allow you the freedom play games involving( but not limited to) house hold cleaning products, placed on top of a fooseball table and set up like bowling pins while people jump off couches and try to knock them down.

it was a very good meal

I love this dude, but come the fuck on. Sometimes for make it too goddamn easy to fuck with you.

Matt told me that I've been doing this since we were 13. I'm pretty sure its still really funny as hell.

Everybody always says" Man, those squats are so fucking cool. It must be so great to hang out and stay at em everyday for 6 weeks." Well have at it mother fucker.

Hey there little guy!

Heres a little story. Once opun a time there was a guy named Logan. He sat in a van all day in the rain for what felt like an eternity. It was cold and he was bored, so to kill some time and make his friends laugh, he put a condom in Victors afro. The End.

When life gives you lemons, lounge on a couch in Madrid with fine girls.

Bad to the Bone. I concur.

All and all it was a good time.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

GG interview

Stumbled across this the other day. Really made me happy. Thought Id share it with ya'll.

J. Cruelty vs. G.G. Allin via telephone

The following interview was conducted via U.S. Sprint shortly before G.G. Allin's untimely death. G.G. sounded kind of hoarse over the telephone, and he would break off mid-sentence to clear the phlegm out of his throat. All of us were shocked and saddened by his death, which came as a great disappointment, seeing as how G.G. had promised to end it all on stage. Dead though he may be, his legacy lives on. G.G. Allin, we love you!

J. Cruelty:So...uh, what was your favorite childhood pet?

G.G. Allin: Pet?! I didn't have time for any goddamn pets. Animals are there for me to abuse and eat.

J Cruelty: Describe your first kiss…

G.G.: Fuck! I was licking my old lady's asshole by the time I was five years old. I never kissed. I only exist to destroy. I don't have time for kissing. It's just me and you, man, and one of us has got to be destroyed. I'm looking out for G.G. Allin, that's all. [Spits]

J Cruelty: What was your favorite backing band? Personally I find the Murder Junkies to be technically richer than earlier bands such as The Jabbers or The Toilet Rockers...yet they never captured the "rough around the edges intensity" of those earlier, more punk rock bands.

G.G.: Backing bands? What the fuck are you talking about?! I eat 'em up and spit 'em out like the shit they were made out of. I don't care, you can take 'em!

The only thing that matters is ME. Just you wait! When the smoke clears, who will they remember? Not the Fucking Shit Biscuits -they weren't out there in jock straps shitting on stage! People are gonna remember ME, the true fucking soul of underground rock n' roll!

J. Cruelty: We like sports. I have a feeling if you played sports you wouldn't be a "team player" -cuz you don't play by the rules, do you G.G.?

G.G.: Hell no! The only fucking sport I like is when I'm pissing in someone's fucking mouth.

J. Cruelty: What's the biggest thing you've ever shoved up your butt?

G.G.: Your head you goddamn faggot.

J. Cruelty: How much money would it take to get you to tattoo the entire Smurf village onto your body?

G.G.: Who gives a fuck? Look at my tattoos. This one says "Fuck you." The only tattoos I have are ugly. You don't know what it's like to be G.G. Allin. You don't walk in my shoes.

J. Cruelty: What is your drug of choice?

G.G.: Fucking heroin.


I try to be a good houseguest. No, fuck that, I try to be a great houseguest. Sure sometimes, you get a little too comfortable with where you staying and leave your underwear sitting in the kitchen sink. And, maybe sometimes you get caught jacking off on the couch when homeboy is trying to watch a movie with his old lady, but on the “reg” I like to think that I can hold my own. My life is one really really long couch surf. This can be a very satisfying existence for all parties involved if the houseguest can step his game up and be a prince not a pauper.

Be invisible: Being invisible can turn your temporary living situation in a semi- long term one very easily. It seems like some scientology bullshit, but I swear to god it works. Once you get into your new digs scan the room for a place to store your giant ugly duffel bag. No no no, not the open space in the middle of the living room. Go for the spot hidden underneath the kitchen table that is coved in record mailers. You know, the one that has never actually been used for its intended purpose. Shove it to the back of the wall and be sure that as soon as you’re done with whatever the fuck it is that your doing, to put it back where it came from. Out of sight out of mind. There’s nothing more annoying then some dickhead crashing on your couch for a goddamn month and every time you try to walk to the pisser at 4am, homeboys goddamn dirty laundry gets in the way and next thing you know you’re face down in the litter box. Has happened. Shit sucks.

Clean up after everybody: Yes everybody, not just yourself. Most mother fuckers hate doing dishes and cleaning bathrooms ( and frankly, I can’t blame ‘em. People will always be more inclined to let you stay if you consistently do all the mundane bullshit they hate doing. This means clean the toilet, wash the goddamn dishes and for god sakes, take out the fucking trash. Make sure not to only repair that damage that you caused. Go the extra mile and pick up the whole houses shit. It’s not rocket science, its good housekeeping baby. Bam.

Don’t break the rules: Hey, I fucking hate rules. However, sometimes you gotta pay the cost to be the boss. If some goddamn idiot your buddy met on craigslist while looking for a SWF to live with doesn’t want ya to smoke in the house, don’t. If the ladies at the LGBT compound don’t allow dogs (which would never happen) just leave the little shit roller outside. And for goddsakes don’t eat other peoples food, not matter how loaded you are or how much it pisses you off when some asshole writes their name on a Togo box of left over shitty Chinese food (which, they will probably never eat anyway). Also, if you’re dead set on smoking in the house do it in the bathroom with an open window and preferably with a toilet paper roll filled with fabric softener, high school style.

Buy some goddamn food for the goddamn house: Don’t be a dick, buy some shit. Fucking toilet paper, fucking cereal, fucking romin, whatever. Joe Blow will be a lot less inclined to kick you to the curb if he has his stupid thin lips wrapped around a free bottle of Pellegrino. All compliments of whatever food stamp provider of your choice.

Don’t sit on the couch all day watching TV: It’s not your couch and believe it or not, some one who actually pays rent might want to sit and chill after a long day at work. People really get up tight when you do that. I learned the hard way. Not to mention that I un-tivo’ed all his programs, but that was just because he was a dick. Fight fire with fire. Naw mean?

I’m really not trying to come across as a know it all . Frankly all the tutelage I can give is only because I have fucked up literally all of these things. I’ve gotten caught throwing bones in a buddy’s bed that was letting me stay on his couch. I once took a bite out of a block of cheese while wasted and put it back in the fridge. Lord knows I’ve urinated on more then my fair share of couches. I’ve broken windows and most recently spilt tattoo ink all over my friend’s bed and put a pillow over it in hopes to cover my tracks. Little did I know that now the pillow would be covered in ink as well and I was just gonna end up leading a Hansel and Grettle’esk trail back to my pallet on the floor. Man, looking back, a lot of these involve beds. I should really stay the fuck out of other people’s rooms.

A few weeks ago a bunch of buddies and I were in Dallas for a gig. Unfortunately, that’s where I’m from and it being Memorial Day and all figured that I’d give my folks a buzz and try to get some backyard family time in while simultaneously introducing them to the click. My parents place is pretty cramped so we high tailed it to my sister’s place in Dallas proper. Plus, she’s got a pool. If you were to put me a sister in a room, you would not believe we are related. She is the best though and has taken off all the pressure off me to become financially successful. Any way, back to the point. Me and a gang of about 20 people showed up, drank a bunch of beer and swam for hours. However as soon as we left in the morning the place looked like we had never been there. That’s what I’m talking about friends. Keep yo shit clean.

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