Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Kids Cant Draw For Shit.

Believe or not , I get a lot of emails letting me know how much I suck. At first it kinda bummed me out, but now I’m really, really, into it.
Emails such as…

“Dear Logan,
Your blog sucks, you cant write and are a faggot.”

And how could I forget this gem….

why don’t you learn how to spell before you subject the world to your ignorant writing. Buy a dictionary or get an education.”

Any who, I decided that since the people criticizing me seem to be having a lot of fun doing being pricks, so why not criticize something myself. Scott Moore suggested little kid’s drawing and I thought that sounded great. Here ya go!

I don’t even wanna begin to think about what this shit is supposed to be. At first glance I’d have to say that its probably this kids future crashing down into a sea of utter despair. Either that or maybe the little brat watches a ton of LOST and this is the Oceanic 6 eating salt water. The random brown squiggles are throwing a curve ball into the mix. I like to think that the little booger eater just rubbed his own shit on the canvas, giving the art teacher a big ole’ “fuck you”.

First off, There’s no way all those people are gonna fit into that tiny house unless their Korean or something. Second, that flower isn’t even growing in the grass at all. The grass is very well represented in this piece, yet the artist decided to completely disregard it and put a goddamn flower on the fucking sidewalk.Third, The sun seems to close to the earth. This makes me nervous for two reasons. One, What if this kid is some kind of “Golden Child” fortune teller and those people are just cold chillin playing in the front yard when our planet is about to run straight into the fucking sun. Two, This kid has no grasp on how close we are to the sun proving my theory that Christianity in our schools isn’t going too well.

My mind is either blown or I'm tripping balls. All of his teachers probably think he’s a genius. I just think Jr.’s baked out of his skull trying to look busy in art class. I bet this is the little fuck David Crosby had with Mellissa Etheridge.

Yeah, great. Some stupid fucking flowers. Do you know what kind of world we are living in little girl? Shit is fucking real right now and all you can think to do is draw some stupid fucking flowers. Why do you get a job and start being the solution and not the problem? Not to mention, purple and pink together? Just because they are next to each other in the box doesn’t mean you have to color with them at the same time. This looks like something Lisa Frank’s “slow” cousin would draw.

Who doesn’t love Christmas? Who doesn’t love waking up on Christmas day and just attack the fuck outta some beautifully wrapped presents? Who doesn’t love Egg Nog and The Dolly Parton Christmas record? Well asshole, I used to until I saw this stupid fucking drawing. I definitely don’t want those trees in my living room on Christmas morning and I don’t think Santa’s reindeer would ever shit all over the entire world like Little Man Tate has portrayed them. Oh btw, Santa had 8 reindeer, 9 counting Rudolph. Fucking Idiot.

Now this is art my friends. Real, true blue, honest, art. Some serious Rembrandt shit. It’s intoxicating to look at. I see myself in the big, gay, dolphin, or manatee or whatever. I would pay upwards of 3 dollars for this and it would be worth every penny.

P.S. Please wish my good friend Scott Moore a speedy recovery from his "gerbil ass removal surgery".