Total War

Seeing as that I'm feeling real lazy and I dont wanna put a new MRR column up until the next issue is out, I decided to roll with the whole photo thing one more time.

These are some drunk people in Toronto dancing during a Sacred Shock after party at Zoe's house. Please notice Alex in the background looking lost. Also, the bass player for Christian Death was kind enough to make an appearance.

Erin Yankee is about to be 40 years old in a few days. That's cool. Punks over 40. Get into that shit.

This was taken the day after my birthday in Milwaukee. It was snowing and we were bummed. We stayed in the van the for the whole show and some face tattooed shit bag called us fake black metal pussies. He was right. ( note: none of us own skate boards or punk vests, except for Matt.)

I'd like to this time to apologize to everyone who was present for this photo. This is why the call me the Rumble in the Jungle. Philly 04?

This is for a MRR interview with Berdan from Drunkdriver entitled "Lunch with Logan and Berdan" He didn't shut his mouth once and I loved it.

R.I.P GOOD TIMES.

A rare live shot of Sacred Shock with Vin Diesel running sound.

A Day in the Life of Logan.

People have been asking me how I spend my days. I dont really do a whole lot and rarely work. I'm more of a life liver. Here's a photo essay.

My day started about 5 am when I woke up for a piss. It was cold so I just went in a jar. I then scratched my ass for an hour and eventually fell asleep.

I eventually woke up around 1ish. The sun was warm and my back was starting to hurt. I was also getting kinda hungry, since I hadn't eaten in awhile. I usually only eat from my work cuz it's free.

I then walked out to my car. Omitted from this photo is an overflowing styrofoam cup full of cigarette butts.

This is Beth. She made me go to some stupid fucking hippie bullshit place to have lunch. Like I don't have to do that shit enough. I fucked up and said I'd have what she was having. This was a fucking salad. There was no bacon and no ranch dressing. Hardly a salad if you ask me.

I'm not sure if I'm more pissed off that she waved at me or that she was riding this piece of shit in an all Latino neighborhood and hadn't had the shit beaten out of her on mere principal alone.

After lunch with my pal Beth I went to see my friend Lynn and her stupid fucking kid Olive. I know you think she's kinda cute and all, but she's the same kid that told me to fuck off about a dozen times and threw up on my couch. She also made me play a game with her that wasn't actually a game, it was watching Aladdin. She also called the princess lady Jasmine an asshole. She also tells people that I was her boyfriend briefly, but broke up with me because I loved her too much. Not true.

This is Lynn. She gave birth to that demon spawn.

Lynn then showed me a picture of her dad and his teammates after winning the basketball tournament at the Mexican prison he was incarcerated in. Guess which one he is? I'll give you a hint. He's the tall white guy on the left.

These were the only 2 records I listened to all day.

When I got home from Lynn's, I was greeted by this fucking asshole. Nice to see you too dickhead. Somewhere around this time I took a 4 hour nap. Please note the cute little swallow his hand. You look like a fucking Suicide Girl.

Iceman came to town. We went to dinner. It was nice. He was about 3 gin and tonics deep at this point.

There was nothing going on so we went downtown. Iceman was now about 10 gin and tonics in, so I decided pull a french goodbye and sneak out the back. Before I left we ran into Robin Williams, who seemed to studying for his next roll as an Alaskan seal hunter.

THE END.

Law. Man.

I like music not movies. To me the Lion King or Back Draft is just as good as fucking Amelie or what ever fucking foreign film about 2 brothers being in love for fuck sake. Don't get me wrong, I throughly enjoy sitting on my ass kicking back with a few hours of mind numbing bullshit on a cold winter day. But, thats just what I want. Mind numbing bullshit. I don't wanna read any fucking subtitles, and I sure as fuck don't wanna cry at the end because 2 people who were supposed to end up together did. I wanna see tits, explosions and fucking blood. Thats it. Im a simple man. I like what I likes and goddamnit I likes blood, guns and fucking. Movies like Crank 2 High Voltage and Steven Segals classic 1980's film Hard to Kill. Crank 2 is like watching a porn video game. Now thats fucking film making. Everything else is just hogwash. The fucking Notebook? Get the fuck outta my face with that shit. Daddy Daycare? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm talking fucking Billy Jack. I'm talking bout fucking Under Siege. Point Break. Now, that is fucking art. I don't know who the fuck Roman Polanski is and I don't care how many babies he fucked. I'm sure his shit is was too intelligent for me to understand and I'm sure his movies are too long. I like vampires. I like zombies. I can wrap my head around that kinda thing. Maybe aliens are moving into a small midwestern town. Maybe one takes the shape of a local school teacher ready to infect all the young school children with his/ or her fucked alien DNA. Print that shit. I'm like a young handsome James Cameron. Terminator. Thats a character a guy can get behind. Some fucking machine guns on a motorcycle, another wild ass liquid robot thrown into the mix.

For the past couple of days me and my associate Lucas have been on a very serious Steven Segal bender. In the past few days ( yes days ) Lucas, Lil Dynamite and I have watched the following things......

Under Siege

Under Siege 2

Hard to Kill

Exit Wound

Out for Justice

Urban Justice

Also there were a couple of random Chuck Norris moves, though he is a total fucking coward and doesn’t deserve to hold one of Steven Segal’s Magnum wrappers. Chuck Norris is a mark ass trick. Fucker made a movie with Jonathan Brandis about some little weak child with a brutal case of asthma and chuck Norris comes to save the day via karate. Shit was soooooo weak. Mr. Segal would never do such a lame movie. He is the greatest living American actor. However, I did recently hear that Stevey’s # 1 form of martial arts “ Aikido” is actually meant to be practiced by women exclusively. I don't know how I feel about this. I think I’m actually completely fine with this. That’s probably what makes he such a smooth big dick mother fucker.