Last week my house got broken into. Well not just my house, my fucking bedroom. I was woken up around 5am by a friend who was staying over, crawled out of my loft naked as the day I was born and low and behold there was a frat boysitting on the couch in my room. Now, I’m from Texas and we don’t play that game where I come from so, my first instinct was to shoot the motherfucker, get all Felix Havoc on him and shit. Seeing as I had sold my gun a few years prior, I was literally clueless on how to handle the situation. Do I call the fuzz? Do I run away? Do I take matters into my own hands and beat the Dave Mathews Band loving motherfucker with nothing but a dick and pair of black socks? After quickly reviewing my options, I decided that the third would be the most effective at the moment in time. Not being a big tough mean good ole boy I did the best I could with what I had, my dick and my socks. He wasn’t the best I ever had, so beating the ever living shit outta him wasn’t much, but damn was it weird. Remember that movie Eastern Promises? It was kinda like that only I ain’t good looking and I don’t believe he was of Russian descent. Needless to say, my roommates came into the living room where the smack down took place and helped me get the dude the fuck outta the house. It’s been kind of a rocky year for me and having to use that much force against a guy really made me feel like shit. He deserved it sure, but I’m getting tired of being the bad guy. That’s me through and through. The kind of guy that is willing to take one for the team, be made example of, or deliver the bad news and I’m getting real tired of it. What could I have done differently? Should I have called the cops? Being a punk I have some deep seeded hatred for the cops, which I know is not a unique sentiment in out community. Especially what my checked past with the man, I ain’t about to call the pigs. You tell me what do you think a cop would do if he got called to a punk house at 5am and found my naked, covered in tattoos, a 6inch beard having ass chilling over a beat down Frisbee golf enthusiast. Ill tell you what he’d do, TAKE ME TO FUCKING JAIL. Fuck that. I'm too old and too cute for that shit. On the bright side I did get to really impress a cute girl and my roommates now officially know who wears the pants in the family.

I kinda realized that a bunch of dumb shit has happened to me over the years. Like when the van exploded and I lost all my shit. That was weak. It was absolutely the worst way to end a great tour. There I was minding my own business listening to George Lopez and next thing you know Im freezing my ass off on the side of the Highway watching everything I love go up in flames. The last thing I remember before the van we on fire was Eddie asking me why I was laughing since I didn’t get the jokes anyway, being white and all. I mean, no I didn’t get the jokes, but a lot of shit was real funny at that point in time. Now, very strange thoughts go through your head when you watch ALL YOUR SHIT being burnt beyond recognition. The first one being, what could I have possibly done to deserve this? Was it god-punishing Timmy for buying the BATHORY LP? Was it the goat or some shit we hit? Maybe a chubacabra. Was it those fine ass girls on the copy of the 2 LIVE CREW record in the trunk bumping and grinding too hard that I got the van all heated up? Who knows? What I do know is that I ended up riding in the back of a border patrol paddy wagon for and hour on our way to a shitty hotel in the desert. It would have been completely unbearable if it weren’t for the Nyquil and Tecate mix TJ and me got popping, I don’t know what Ida done. Calling my mom asking for bus fair for Timmy and me was kinda funny though. “ Hi mom, its me Logan, remember how you told me to be careful, well guess what just happened, oh and send money.” Almost got arrested in San Antone on the way back to Austin for fighting a security guard in the greyhound station. Bad day.

Who knows why this kinda shit happens. All I know is that there is no god and if there is one, he’s a fucking bastard. I'd like to take this time to address a couple things…. Pick your King is the greatest hardcore record off all not, not victim in pain as was otherwise thought. Check out the DESKONOCIDOS records that just came out because they are better then most of the stuff that you listen to you. Id also like to address that my good friend Bruce Rhoers is the best dude alive and all of you should stop and talk that man whenever you see him, buy him a beer and ask him about the time he saw the MC5. Trust me it’s a way better story then I could tell and they are a way than the time you saw WARKRIME.

Send hate mail to:

Sir Logan Esq.

3306 Larry Ln Unit A

Austin, Tx 78722