Tuesday, December 8, 2009

“ You can’t be a punk and a Christian” – Brace Beldon

I was raised catholic. My mom was super into it when I was about knee high to grasshopper. I did the whole altar boy thing. Got my communion and went on the catholic retreats. The whole enchalida so to speak. It never really took . I always kinda figured that all these fucking people we just stupid and miss guided. Sheep if you will, ready to follow some sandle wearing mother fucker off a cliff or onto some crazy space ship headed to a mythical candy kingdom filled with magic and zombies. My whole life up to this point the thought of God was so forign to me. This cloud of dispair just looming over me has gotten to be so comfortable. Having to rely on myself to combat all the misfoutunes life throws my way has just been the norm. Maybe there’s another way. Someway out of this way I’m feeling. Who out there can help me out of thus rutt I’m in. Have I been wrong this whole time? Jesus can you hear me? Am I the misguided one?

Last week here at MRR HQ we received a letter from a gentleman who calls himself Drew Wardlow. Mr. Wardlow seems to be the singer for a hardcore band called DRY ROT. From what I hear, personally I don’t listen to their music, DRY ROT are some kind of neo Christian hardcore band from Ventura California. Could it be that in 2009 there are actually punks who also consider themselves Christians? The answer my friend is no there is not. There is no way humanly possible that a punk can be Christian. Mr. Wardlow it seems was writing the magazine for…well actually I’m not sure. No one is. I guess the poor little guy is sad because people are boycotting his band full of jesus freaks. Fuck it. Deal with it. Love it or leave it. I’ll go ahead and say it. You are not welcome in my scene. Wouldn’t yall be more comfortable with you own kind like, OVERCOME, LIVING SACRIFICE, UNASHAMED, JARS OF CLAY, or DC TALK? If tooth and nails is still putting out records I’m sure they would love your rag tag brand of b grade hardcore. They’d probably even give you heafty signing bonus. At the very least pass the basket for yall to help cover recording costs. Fuck you, you evil bastard. Fuck you. You are the antithesis of punk. I bet you support the troops too.

Now, I don’t wanna get in some long winded,weird debate and use a bunch of big words explaining why I hate Christians. The truth of the matter is that I just do . Christians are stupid. It’s a fact. Who cares if you go to the University of California at Santa Barbra? I don’t even know what an Institute for Theoretical Physics is. All I know is that yall mother fuckers think God hid dinosaurs in the ground to fuck with us. Shits weak. Now if DISCHARGE was Christian then maybe that would leave a little wiggle room. Christians are the new Nazis. Prove me wrong. They try to make everyone believe in what they believe and I have a theory that they want us all to look the same, red hair and blue eyes. I’m not just singling out Christians, I also have some serious issues with Hindus, but that’s for another time and place.

Tomorrow I head for the Canadian border for a few weeks of RnR. Its not easy being a punk rock superstar in this day in age. Dunken Donuts have been locking their dumpsters and don’t even get me started on the west squatting crisis. Times they are a changing here in good ole USA and frankly I feel I need a little “ Logan” time. Don’t make me explain all the reasons to you, just know that I work my ass off doing very little infreaquently as possible some of the time.

I just roadied for an American band on the west coast for a couple weeks and I’d like to take this time to share with you a few things that I’ve learned. People in Californina are fucking jerks. They don’t say thank you when you hold doors for them and they don’t say excuse you when the bump into you on the street. Everyone either a fucking scum bag hobo or a retared hippie burnout scum bag hobo. I can’t smoke anywhere and the tap water tastes like dog shit. Where the fuck are the smokers right? I support the right to marry, but what about my right to kill myself with dangerious chemicals produced by the worlds biggest pieces of shit? Fucking Washington fat cats. I’m gonna make a support my right to smoke sign for my window. Its gonna have smokey the bear with a camel light dangling from his mouth riding a hourse saying welcome to flavor country. My friends out here are top notch, but goddamn you fuckers are really testing my limits. Also, when someone tells me they are actually from California I immediately shut down almost as if they had just told me they were Christian. One more thing, what the fuck is the big fasination with girlie t’s? And for the record, I’ll still tip you even if you suck, but goddamn I’ll hate myself for it.

In closing, I’d like to tell all my people out there one thing, Burn down as many fucking churches as you can. Drive through church parking lots going 60 and just pick those little conservative fucks off left and right. Spit in the faces of those Morman shit bags that come to your doors, and please please beat the piss out of those Krishna dumb fucks dancing in the park. CRO MAG SKINHEAD BREAKOUT.

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