Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Those save the children ads can really fuck somebody up. Just add and little booze and a shitty day, maybe a menstrual cramp or 2, next thing you know, you’re sending 10% of your paycheck each month to Nigeria. This exact thing happened to my home girl Randa a couple months back. She was drinking watching TV, feeling kinda emotional or whatever, called the 1800IMFUKINHUNGRY whatever and gave them a credit card number over the phone. She had completely forgotten she had done it until a month later when Abakar sent her a letter. Abakar seemed like sweet enough of a kid I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. Enclosed was a touching little drawing he drew for her and of course a picture of little Abakar. Kinda cruel, but I swear to god he looks just like a kid on the back of one of those CRASS records. Kid couldn’t draw for shit in my opinion. Seriously, a fucking palms tree, a couple birds, and some sand. Definitely not dealing with Van Gough, naw mean? Any who, I was really proud of her for doing something so selfless and it really stuck for the first couple months well until she was broke. “ Jesus, I'm so broke, I'm not even gonna have enough money to send Abakar his 23 dollars this month”- says Randa while drinking a beer staring at a cable TV in a central air-conditioned house. I'm sure he’ll understand. Maybe she should send him a snickers bar or maybe a Bob Ross paint by numbers book. Kid needs all the help he can get. I wonder is he can hook me up with any Nigerian psych records. I got money, just saying.

Abakar got me thinking. Fuck we are some lucky motherfuckers. More or less for my entire life if had nothing but first world problems. I don’t come from money or anything, cough, Brace, cough, but i've never had to eat of a trash unless I was trying to impress a I chose to, usually to impress a girl which is entirely different thing all together. I did get called “trash kid” when dad made me wear a trash bag for a raincoat while waiting for the bus. He said I didn’t need an actual raincoat since we lived in Texas and it never really rained anyway. Thanks Dad. Most of the people I know, myself included, live in reasonably nice house, are able to bathe on at least a semi regular basis, depending on preference, and can eat pretty much whatever we want, whenever we want. Right now in fact, i'm on a 2 and half-month vacation. A little work here and there, but hardly anything to bitch about, though im sure I will a bit. What a piece of shit I am.

I’ve shit myself 5 times in the past 2 years. Now, this fucks up my previous assumption that’d id at least shit myself 5 times during my entire adult life. That could still be case I suppose, I just can’t play Mexican roulette again till I'm dead or dying. I don’t know why I just told you that. I guess I just feel really comfortable around and for some reason. Ill always fined it really funny when people bet on a fart and lose, though I don’t particularly enjoy bathroom humor. It happens more then you’d think, btw.

Right now, I'm sitting at MRR headquarters once again finishing this column last minute. The first stop on this long strange trip is, in case you couldn’t figure it out, San Francisco. You locals got a great thing going on here, beautiful weather, great food, amazing people watching. Bailey, the lady I'm staying with, lives in the Castro. FUCK. Shit pops off down there. Now, I'm from Texas and the Castro is literally encompasses every reconvened notion of what we think of San Francisco to be. I love it. Shitless dudes, drag queens, and huge slides. It is kinda weird seeing so many babies being pushed around down there though. Whats that all about? I went into a sex shop called “ Does your mother know?” a couple of days ago to pick up a few things on the way home. Dude at the counter reminded me of the dog whisper. Really cute Puerto Rican guy, with maybe like a CRISS ANGEL vibe going on. Any who, as I was checking out he asked where I was headed, I told him my lady friends house and with that awesome Dog Whispers Puerto Rican lisp he said, ehh lady friend. Made me feel like a million bucks. Thanks Castro Street. You gave me confidence back .

Now to address a couple punk things…. DYS “Wolfpack” goes real fucking hard, still. I continue to like Bruce Rhoers more then most people and Dolores park a Saturday fucking sucks. As much I hate to admit it, SF’s WILD THING, is really good. DISCHARGE is also pretty good, if you like that sorta thing, you know, like perfect things. There’s this fest in Austin where I live called fun fun fun fest. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to music. I put it up there with the SPICE GIRLS. Actually the SPICE GIRLS have way more integrity (INTEGRITY actually played FFF once too) then FUNFUNFUN because at least they don’t hide who they are. Its basically some yuppie with a Japanese tattoo sleeve who maybe used to be down, book a bunch of bands who broke up 20 years ago, who I'm sure had a really good reason to do so in the first place. I think last year BAD BRAINS played. How the fuck are you gonna put BB on the fest named after a BIG BOYS song. That’s not cute or funny, its just plain disrespectful. This year its just a kick in the dick over and over again. Fucking 7 seconds to Gorilla Biscuits to Dazing. Why must this man make such a mockery of my child hood? Leave the Reunion shows for the fucking Eagles.